To My Darling “Boyfriend Girls”

I mean it when I say I am more than thrilled for all my friends in relationships.

But I have to say that I can only hope the feeling is mutual, and they’re as thrilled for the rest of us without one. Let’s also be ecstatic for the friends that were there cheering you on as you met this significant other of yours. I don’t want to be the literally, not-so darling, crazy single girl: after all, I would be the biggest hypocrite considering I was a “boyfriend girl” at one point in my life, too.

My “shining” moment during my reign as “boyfriend girl” took place during my first period class of high school, sophomore year: PE class (yikes to say the least).

I will forever be ashamed of how I paraded a Tiffany’s necklace that my boyfriend (at the time) bought for me. I ran laps with the necklace bouncing in the air. My obsession with the necklace was so overt that I was gushing with the PE teacher about it and my boyfriend during warm-ups in front of the entire class. As I look back at that far from shining moment, I remember how proud I was of that necklace. I wish I had realized then how belittling my grand Tiffany’s parade was, and that really, I had nothing to feel proud of. Next to my boyfriend, my newly-found relationship with that necklace was the only friend I had left, a fate that was no one’s fault but my own and something I grew to hate about myself.

Now, I am not saying that finding a significant other means it’s bon voyage to our friendship.

Although it is natural to get along more easily with people we can relate to, it should never be a requirement that our relationship statuses with one another must be in common or in sync in order for a friendship to coexist.

Being single should never single anyone out. I want to hear about him. And I want to hear about how happy you are, because honestly– nothing in the world would make me happier. But I hope you will want to hear from me and hear me out, even if I am single.

I made the major mistake of allowing my boyfriend to become my only friend. Eventually, even that bridge went up in flames and burned before my very own eyes. What was worse is that I not only opened the door for my boyfriend to walk out, but I did not even realize I also opened one for my friends to walk out too. Looking back, I practically shoved them out.

The thing is, you can only control so much once you’re in a relationship.

With the little control we do have, we must wield it as much as possible. Of course, being a “boyfriend girl” transforms a social life into a balancing act on a seesaw. However, carrying the title of “boyfriend girl” should never evolve to the point where it defines you, and gives you a bad reputation. It easily could, given the opportunity.

As for me, I embraced it wholeheartedly. I became the “boyfriend girl” that was anything but darling. It takes two people to maintain balance in a friendship, and I became the “boyfriend girl” that only worked to balance my oh-so exclusive relationship with literally my one and only boyfriend, and I excluded everyone and anyone else in my life.

I think I became the monster that gives “boyfriend girls” a bad name  because…

I forgot who I was before the boyfriend came along and told me I was wonderful. It turns out, he was not the only one who saw me that way too.

So here’s to my friends and anyone and everyone who are lucky and brave enough to have found someone who sees just how literally, darling you are.

But also never ever forget that while they may be your one and only, they are not the only ones who see you that way either.

PS- Fun facts about the Author: Yes, the picture above is of me and one of my ex-boyfriends; as with everything I write, I wanted to be as genuine as possible. Also, I am so fortunate to have not been slapped or called-out during that particular PE class, because looking back–

I would have done it.