Despite that now we are six, we still have moments we’re as awkward as a Pooh Bear with his head in a honey pot. (If you don’t get it, educate take a trip back to your childhood immediately). In addition to our usual dose of weekly awkwardness from our writers, we have an honorable mention from a local news segment near LD HQ.
Kirstie: At Least We Saw The River
I went on a trip to NYC this weekend with a friend. Like most, we had to take the subway everywhere. Easy enough, but when you are not from New York, the subway system can be very confusing. After carefully planning the route we would take (or so we thought) we hopped on a train seconds before the doors shut. As soon as we got in, we looked around and realized that everyone on this train looked local. There were no shopping bags, no “I Heart NY” tees and no one else holding a subway map. At that point we knew we were the only tourists and definitely on the wrong train. A guy looked at us and said, “Where are you trying to go?” We told him and he said, “Yeeeeeah. You’re on the wrong train.” We looked out the window and realized we were now above ground and crossing a bridge. “…We’re going to Brooklyn aren’t we?” we asked. A woman turned around, laughed at us and said “AT LEAST YOU GET TO SEE THE RIVER!” An hour later we finally made it back to our hotel, but hey. That river was nice.
Katie: Hard Green Tomatoes
So the asshole, psychopathic dog had treed a squirrel—again, for perhaps the 10th time since I’d gone outside to bring her in. The neighbors were crossing to the other side of the street, children were screaming and running away, and when she took a break from terrorizing the squirrels, she was racing the fence to bark at any and everything that came by. Calling her, begging, pleading, blackmailing, and bribing all failed, therefore desperate measures and all that were required. We’ve had a freeze the past few nights, bringing an end to the garden and the green tomatoes that hadn’t quite ripened are still on the vine. Seeing an opportunity and being inspired by the recent World Series, I plucked a green tomato, wound up my arm, and let it fly, straight at the dog’s rear. Shocked, she stopped barking, but whipped around, grabbed the tomato and started chasing me. Of course as I rounded the corner, arm full of tomatoes, throwing them at the dog while she chased me, all the previously terrified neighbors were gathered on the corner, watching the spectacle.
Hannah: My Life Is A Musical
I make up songs for everything. I sing about doing the dishes, I sing about trying to find my keys, you get the idea. Because 99 percent of the time this happens while I’m at home or in the car, I don’t ever think twice about it. This weekend my husband and I arrived early to our dinner reservation, so we walked over to DSW to look for winter boots. I was so excited about buying new shoes that I turned to him and started singing about DSW to the tune of “True” by Ryan Cabrera. I’ve waited all my life to cross this line into DSW… mid-song, I turn my head to see six teenage girls staring at me, laughing. They thought I was trying to be romantic and sing to my husband while riding the escalator up to the store. Thoroughly embarrassed, I ran up the rest of the escalator stairs and hid in the back of the store because obviously the opinion of 15-year-olds is worth worrying about. Youths.
Honorable Local News Mention: Camera Follows Dog Waiting For It To Poop For A “Dog Doo DNA” Segment[divider] [/divider]
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