We here at Literally, Darling are never short on stories of the really awkward, sometimes humiliating and always hilarious encounters, situations and unfortunate events that happen to us throughout our day-to-day. Check out some of this week’s worst.
I spent the last two weeks traveling, and awkward moments abounded. By far the worst one came on a night train from Prague to Krakow. My friend and I had settled into our seats and struck up a conversation with a dental student from Manchester when the ticket checker came around. I was already cringing, because the last ticket checker had yelled at me in Czech for not having a passport card (even though U.S. passport cards are only recognized by Canada and Mexico, but whatever). Reluctantly, I handed over my passport and ticket, but this time the problem was my seat. As it turns out, the train was going to split at some point during the night—and half of it would be left somewhere near Slovakia. That is, the half that my friend and I were on. Frantically, we gathered our belongings and made our way toward the cars destined for Poland, accidentally squishing people in the train’s narrow passage along the way. Eventually we made it, but not without some running, panicking, and apologizing.
This did not happen to me but happened to my sister, and is hilarious enough to share anyway. Recently my sister helped host a get together with some friends in the backyard of my childhood home. She ran over to Little Caesar’s to get food for her friends because sometimes you just need $5 pizzas. She picked up the pizzas, and dropped her keys on the floor while she was walking out the door. As she bent over to pick up her keys, her pants ripped right up the middle. There she was, in Little Caesar’s, with ripped jeans, her underwear exposed to the world, and eight pizzas in hand. Keeping it classy.
Our building’s intercom has been on a breaking streak lately, and it’s been a source of endless awkward. We have a cat, named French Fry, who we used to take out on a leash when we had some grassy space on a quiet street. So the other night, I decided to go down and try to surprise my partner by being at the door to let him in with French Fry. Except just as I was walking up to the door, holding a cat on a leash, a group of people walked up to the building. I had to let them in, but French Fry started yowling at the top of her lungs while I calmly talked to the fellow residents. I can only imagine how insane I looked, with a crying cat clutching my shoulder. So now I have that going for me.
While at work the other day, I was in a particularly hermit-y mood. I went downstairs to get some ice from our big ice-maker and was deftly avoiding all human contact. On the way back to the stairwell, I thought I was going to be intercepted by a coworker who was also heading toward the stairwell. I figured I had about seven seconds to get in the stairwell, up the stairs, down the hall and into my office (read: cave) without being bothered. So, I threw open the door to the stairwell and ran (read: sort of shuffled because lol, I don’t run), only to trip up the first stair and spill my cup of ice everywhere. And it turned out said coworker wasn’t even heading toward the stairwell.
So once again I was in a meeting with people who were far more important than I am. They were discussing something, and one of them used the phrase “re-unicorned.” I busted out laughing because clearly that was a joke but they all stared at me—apparently that is a real word that business people use. They spent two minutes after that discussing how they really meant “de-unicorned” as I just kept my eyes on the table with my face burning red. I’m never going to make it in the business world.
Every semester the primary investigator (PI) that runs the weight management research lab in the nutrition department that I work in takes her lab minions out for dinner and alcoholic beverages, as a nice thank you gesture. But every semester, without fail, it is undeniably awkward and yet hilarious at the same time. Usually the professor or the lab manager initiates the ordering of wine, but this time the PI wasn’t drinking because she still had work to finish. This led to a weird 20 minutes or so with my friend and I whispering about the wine situation—“Where’s the wine? Isn’t there usually wine?”—until the lab manager and two other girls ordered a bottle, leaving my friend and I to order a bottle for ourselves while the PI watched the spectacle and sipped coffee. Then there was the moment when the PI started bemoaning the fact that her mother is overweight, and keeps asking her dietitian daughter for advice, but then does nothing about it. One of my classmates attempted to explain how her fiance doesn’t eat vegetables, and the PI looked on in mild horror while, I’m sure, wondering how that marriage would last. Last, but not least, after two glasses of wine (and thus a bit less inhibited), I decided it was time for us to see my PI’s wedding ring that she had been hiding under the table. So I just blurted out, “Before we go, we need to see your ring!” and we all congratulated her, as is socially expected. But, the PI flashes the ring in our faces and then says, “Well, it’s my third marriage.” What does one even begin to say to that?[divider] [/divider]
How awkward was your week? Tweet us your stories @litdarling or tell us in the comment section!
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