I’m 22 years old and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Now, before you go to click to another article, assuming this is just another whiny millennial piece about how difficult my life is, you’re wrong. Being single throughout college was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
It’s not that I’ve never dated anyone or been interested in boys. I had a boyfriend in high school and I thought it was very serious, but it was really just the folly of adolescence mixed with the joy of having someone think I was beautiful. In college, I made the rounds with a couple different people, but I never had any desire to bring them to the next level causing an inevitable fizzle of feelings. It’s not that I’m a man hater, it’s not that I’m unlovable; I have just made a conscious decision to care more about myself than my relationship status on Facebook.
Being single has led me to experience so many things that I never could have if I had a boyfriend. A symptom of all college relationships is the closer you are with your boyfriend, the farther away you are from your friends. It makes a lot of sense; the time you would normally spend with your friends is now being replaced by time you spend with your boyfriend. It’s natural that your friendships fade; unless you have a time turner and can repeat hours of the day. Being single allowed me to grow freakishly close to people and create lasting bonds whereas boyfriends you either break up with or marry.
A lot of people think not having a significant other in college is really lonely, and at times this is true. It does kind of suck to not have someone to go home to at night or a person that loves you for reasons beyond why a friend would love you. But that time alone helped me to discover my true passions and feelings, without any outside influence. I felt no guilt when I would go out to bars and dance with my friends, no need to constantly check my phone to see if my boyfriend wanted to hang out. I got over-involved in school clubs and organizations, without worrying that it would take time away from my relationship. I moved from Virginia to Texas for my dream job and I didn’t have to think twice about how long distance would affect my relationship.
Every choice I made in college was about what was best for me. Although that may sound selfish, what other time in your life are you only worried about yourself? When you live with your parents, their thoughts always come into play. When you get married, your thoughts are now molded with your husband’s. This is the time in your life to embrace the loneliness, selfishness and freedom that come with being single because this time never comes around again.
For the record, I feel like if you feel guilty for going out with your friends and not your boyfriend, you’re probably not in the right relationship (and if your boyfriend wanted to hang out, you would just leave your friends?!). And why can’t you hang out with your boyfriend and your friends? I don’t think relationships have to be this all-consuming.
Also, I have a lasting bond with my boyfriends even though we broke up – I may be the minority on this, but they’re still awesome people and we have great memories so it’s not like time spent on the relationship was time wasted.
Being single can be enlightening, and being in a healthy relationship can be too!