20 Book Titles Rewritten For The Internet

As a writer on the Internet, trying to title your work so that it will be easily found by Google, fully SEO-optimized, and instantly catch your attention in the 10 seconds people scan headlines is like drowning your soul in a vat of burning oil. Where in print you would name your article about commitment phobia something gloriously abstract like, “One Day I’ll Fly Away,” if you want it to be found, it has to be changed to “Twenty-Something with Commitment Phobia Hates Her Job.” It’s definitely the literal interpretation, but it takes a little bit of the art out of writing.

With that in mind, I thought about how the face of literature would change if popular books titles were rewritten for the Internet. The results are not pretty, though it would make book browsing infinitely easier….

Self-Loathing Architect Hates Society


Insecure Teen Has Vampiric Sexual Fantasies


Loathsome Self-Involved Rich People Partying in the 1920s


Industrial Revolution Ruins Life of Orphan


Nosey Wizard Boy Can’t Die, Causes Mischief


Russian Pedophile Sexually Obsessed With Tween


Hobo Greek Man Rants About Life


Narcissist Acquires Magic Painting


Ruling People Through Fear (And Maybe Not Dying)


Gay Victorian Detective Duo Play Cops And Robbers in London


Angsty Teen Couple Kills Themselves For No Reason


You’re Fucked if You Do, You’re Fucked if You Don’t


Vikings Get Shit Done


Sulky Man and Sassy Woman Bicker Excessively


Shipwrecked Kid Hallucinating


Delusional Teen Swears A Lot  in Manhattan


Cock-blocked Rabbits Freak Out and Seek Mates


The War of the Roses with Dragons and Zombies


Your Brain on Drugs


Barnyard Communism


Teen Girl Gets PTSD from Gladiator Games in Dystopian Society

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