Let’s Talk About Anal Sex

There are lots of things I’ve heard from other straight ladies they just will NOT do in bed. For some it’s oral sex—“I’ve seen where that’s been and it’s not going in my mouth” as my friend once said—for others it’s as simple as sex with the lights on. I kinda get that one. But the one act seems to reign supreme as the biggest center of controversy and that is anal sex.

For long ago, probably in a locker room, some dude told another dude that putting in the butt is the best because it’s tight (both in slang and literally), and ever since it’s been a touchy subject. Some of my friends have told me they love it, others tried it and hated it and others, like me, won’t go near it.

The main and obvious reason why I and I think a lot of other ladies and gents (although, I’m going to be speaking in heteronormative terms for most of this cuz that’s what I know!) don’t want to have anal sex is the pain issue. Anal, from what I’ve read, requires a lot of prep, a lot of time and a lot of patience and care. The reason why some people have such a terrible experience is that the anus does not expand and repair itself as well as the vagina and sex can cause rips and pain if not done properly.

Because of so many women having these terrible experience with anal sex, it can lead to understandable apprehension, which can then lead to coercion by their partner. While obviously not all incidents of anal sex in straight couples are products of coercion, according to a study about heterosexual anal sex by BMJ Medical, coercion happens in an “oppressive” environment that anal sex can create because of a lack of dialogue. Because we see anal sex as taboo and scary, there is less of a dialogue about it and therefore people are less likely to discuss it, even to say no.

With taboo subjects, talking about it is just that—taboo. Sex acts like these have become that of party legend and bar talk, not legitimate talk between two consenting adults like it should be. When it becomes this idea of something a guy “gets to do” and something a woman “does” for her man, then we run into this problem of sex not only not being for a woman’s pleasure, but something that the woman doesn’t actually want to do.

If you ask me, I personally wouldn’t want anyone doing anything for me that they weren’t stoked about doing and wouldn’t get anything from. Sex is something that is between two (or more!) people and usually there’s this idea and expectation that it is mutually beneficial, and obviously that’s not always the case.

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In incidents of coercion, not only are there issues of consent, but those who coerce their partners are less likely to care whether or not their partner is sexually satisfied. And, with no pleasure center in women’s anuses like there is in men’s prostates, it’s harder for many women to reach orgasm from anal sex.

With all of these factors, it can be hard to justify anal sex for many couples. But, it’s important to keep in mind that consent and lady pleasure should be a forefront concern for all sex and, with proper care and FULL consent, anal sex can be a safe and enjoyable experience. But I think I’ll stick to this classics.

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