Blood. Sweat. Tears. What do they have in common? Moving apartments and attending a spin class, of course. The two activities have more in common than you might think—so grab some wine and comfort food, because you’re about to relive some trying times.
1. You have to plan for it.
Check the gym schedule to find out what class you can fit into your schedule. Make sure you get that U-Haul ordered in advance, because you know they’re aren’t gonna have one the morning you need it.
2. You have to call on your friends.
Somehow, suffering through something with your BFF makes it a bit more bearable, and there is nothing that says “suffering” like a) spin class or b) moving. Also, can you really move that couch yourself? lol no.
3. You always contemplate bailing at the last second.
Surely your friends won’t hate you if you “oversleep” for that morning class, right? And hypothetically speaking, how long can you squat in your old place before your landlord kicks you out? Asking for a friend.
4. But the “rewards” are supposedly so great, so know you’ve got to do it.
Everybody says you’ll feel better after you exercise, or after you get all your stuff arranged in your new place. And because everybody says it, it must be true, right?
5. There’s that minute at the beginning when nobody quite knows what to do.
We’re talking about that awkward shuffle where everyone’s trying to grab a bike next to their friend, make sure their stuff is put away in a cubby, do the awkward straddle-thing on the bike, etc. When you’re moving, nobody ever knows what to pick up first. Do we put the furniture in the truck first? Or all these boxes? Or should we begin by filling up the cars? Is it time for a break yet?
6. Once it starts, you’re like, “This isn’t so bad.” Then you realize it’s literally hell.
There’s a good 10-minute window when you’re convinced you could go on for hours. Endorphins: Incoming. Unfortunately, that doesn’t last long after a thousand or so pedals on a stationary bike, or five trips of carrying boxes down from the third floor of your apartment.
7. And you’re pretty convinced you’ve never sweated so much in your life.
“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here sweating out all the liquid I’ve consumed since I was 7.”
8. You keep thinking you’re close to being done, but you’re not. You never are.
You want to look at your watch, but you know it’s a bad idea. But you do it anyway. Forty-five minutes/two trips across town to go. Great.
9. Even the simplest instructions can be hard to understand.
So how many turns on the bike knob? Is a “turn” all the way around or is it just as much as your hand can turn it in one try? Where did you want these boxes again? What were the instructions for packing these dishes? I’m confused.
10. The relief you feel when it’s almost over could be bottled as a drug.
When your instructor tells you you’re about to start winding down, you literally could kiss them out of joy, and you’re convinced that watching your mom run the vacuum over your blissfully empty former home may be the best thing you’ve ever seen. Finally, all your dreams are coming true!
11. When it’s over, you want to die.
Nothing works. Your limbs are dead. You are so tired you can’t tell if you’re awake or asleep. Are the lights still off or am I passing out? Who knows.
12. You pretty much always console yourself with junk food.
Pizza is essentially the unspoken second act of moving or spin class. (Pro tip: If it isn’t for you, you’re doing it wrong.)
13. Everything seems off-kilter for a while afterward.
Your abs are sore. Your legs are jelly. Walking down stairs (walking in general) is torture. You may never recover. And where does all your stuff go? Do you want this chair over here or over there? I just want my underwear to be in the right drawer, for the love of Yeezus.
14. You swear you’ll never do it again… until you do.
Until your BFF texts you next week’s workout schedule or you get a new job and have to move to a new city, you swear you’d pretty much sign your name in blood and sell your soul to the devil to ensure this experience never happens to you again. But next thing you know, there you are, wanting to die… again. Happens every time.
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