Thoughts You’ve Had While Sweating Your Ass Off

[video src="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6tKJvWWDP4"]

It’s August, and while we may dream of fall, the sticky summer heat drags on, leaving behind it sweat puddles created by yours truly. A simple five-minute walk to the corner store becomes what feels like an hour-long hike when you come home dripping; legs sticking to vinyl seats in diners and restaurants betray what seemed like an air-conditioned haven. Summer has taught us to keep our arms down, lest anyone see the sweat rings marking our t-shirts. These are the thoughts running through our heads when we are sweating our asses off.

 

1. “Are my eyebrows still where I put them this morning?”

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If you’ve ever filled in your eyebrows you know exactly what we mean.

 

2. “Please don’t hug me.”

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**When meeting with friends, family, significant others and dates, INTERVIEWS and important meetings, any human interaction** My back is soaking wet, and I probably smell as sweaty as I look right now.

 

3. “Do I have a sweat stain on my butt?”

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When standing up after sitting for awhile in a public place.

 

4. “Do I look athletic or just pathetic?”

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Probably the latter.

 

5. “Is it better to conceal my sweat stains with a sweater or jacket and run the risk of passing out from heat exhaustion or display them publicly like badges of honor?”

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6. “How much longer until I can take my bra off?”

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I think we can all agree that there are few things worse than boob sweat.

 

7. “I owe a big mental apology to all of the professors I’ve ever had whose sweat stains I once wrote about in notes passed to my friends during lecture.”

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Turns out I have a lot more in common with Professor Sweatsalot than I ever could have imagined.

 

8. “I’ve never sweat this much in my LIFE!”

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Every time I sweat is worse than the last.

 

9. “Sweating is yet another thing ladies do just as well as men.”

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London Tipton, you’re wrong.

 

10. “Is that me that smells? Can everyone else smell me? Is sweat SUPPOSED to smell?”

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We’ve all freaked out about this at one point, and hopefully someone else has a stick of Secret on them.

 

11. “I need to change my underwear when I get home.”

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Pleather should be illegal come summer.

 

12. “I literally cannot afford to be sweating this much.”

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Because clinical-strength deodorant is like 11 f*cking dollars AND DOESN’T EVEN CUT IT.

13. “I may never escape this vinyl booth.”

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It doesn’t even need to be that hot out for this to happen.

14. “I can’t tell if this is sweat or tears because it is so miserably hot. Someone help me.”

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Just. Saltwater. Everywhere.

15. “Imma slit somebody’s throat over this heat”

And every other quote in this perfectly accurate video.

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