Your morning commute is a dangerous time, mentally. You probably have not been fully caffeinated, there is horrendous traffic, and you are on your way to work, which doesn’t always put you in the best mood. Sometimes the fate of your day is in the hands of radio DJs, potentially the first other human voices you hear in the mornings. And sometimes they fuck it up big time. So listen, morning radio DJs, please just stop with the following:
1. Adele – Entire catalogue
Adele. You are great. When I am going through all of the feelings in a relationship, you are there for me. But look, I just can’t do sad power ballads on my way to work. I am going through a breakup, and I’m really not down with the morning cry. Showing up to work with half my mascara running down my face is not a good look. The possible exception to this rule is “Rumor Has It,” since it’s slightly upbeat—I mean, for a song about a cheater who’s maybe leaving his girlfriend for his ex.
2. Lil Jon – Entire catalogue, particularly “Turn Down For What”
I also love Lil Jon. His Reddit AMA was a thing of genius and I think he’d be super fun to go have a beer with. His songs are perfect for the club and commerce at a bar on a Saturday night (see: “Shots”). They are not so great when I am driving to work at 8:15am on a Tuesday. Here we have the opposite problem from Adele: incongruence between how pumped I should be from this song and how excited I actually am to go sit in my office.
Side note: I once posted the question, “Who wants to listen to ‘Turn Down For What’ at 8am?” to which my friend replied, “Maids going home from the night shift?”
3. Ludacris – “Move Bitch”
Do you WANT me to get in a car wreck?
4. Nirvana – Entire catalogue
To be fair, I have never liked Nirvana, after a scarring incident when my mother played the live, unplugged album on repeat for a five-hour car trip. I’m not even opposed to depressing music in the morning. But like, fuck, man. I don’t want to listen to the existential crisis of someone who eventually died by suicide after becoming a multimillionaire at 27 years old, and who definitely never had a 9-5 in his entire life. It’s just not conducive to my day being productive, unless my job is to smoke weed, stare at the wall, and think about my life choices.
(This aversion also carries over to most of the Pearl Jam catalogue—Eddie Vedder’s voice is not the best motivator to get out of bed in the morning.)
5. Drake – Hotline Bling and others
I’ve already outlined in extreme detail the hypocrisy of this song, and getting ragey about sexism first thing in the morning is not my favorite. Any other Drake song is good though. Especially “Trophies” or “Make Me Proud”—that shit will get me going!
Also included in “hypocritical songs that should be banned for make me ragey:” Robin Thicke, “Blurred Lines” (obvious reasons), Meghan Trainor, “All About That Bass” (so is it OK for me to be skinny or not?), Wash, “Can’t Trust Thots” (just, ugh).
6. Alessia Cara – Here
Why are you still at that party that you obviously hate, Alessia? What am I doing here, in this car? Why am I going to work? Am I going to really connect to people I talk to at work today, or is it just going to be superficial bullshit instead of making real connections? Oh god, what am I doing here?
7. The Weeknd – Entire catalogue
In case you have been too distracted by his silky smooth voice to think about what his lyrics mean, all of The Weeknd’s songs are about fucked up relationships, sex, drugs, and/or strippers. It’s fantastic music, but this kind of debauchery should be reserved for, you guessed it, the weekend (and preferably not even daylight hours on the weekend). I can’t be thinking “when I’m fucked up that’s the real me” when there are at least eight hours between me and a post-work cocktail.
What songs are you sick of in the morning? Tweet us @litdarling!
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