By Charmaine Belonio
Over the years of dating a mix of nice guys and total assholes (and talking to ladies who also had their fair share of dating mistakes), I’ve observed one thing: relationships, even the strongest ones end because of the couples’ horrible habits. These habits lead to resentment, and resentment into indifference. The result is a relationship growing weak and ultimately dying—all because of habits that didn’t get addressed early on in the relationship.
So if you love your partner and you want to make things work, be careful. Complacency can set in and lead to some awful habits that can kill even your strong and long relationship.
Not expressing your thoughts and feelings.
If you think youre doing your boyfriend a favor when you choose to keep your feelings to yourself, think again. Sure, it might surely prevent arguments, but bottling stuff up is like nursing a monster inside of you. Eventually it’ll get out, and it wont be a pretty sight when that happens.
Your relationship isn’t some kind of a sport where you keep score so your chances of winning the prize increase. It’s not a competition, it’s a partnership, so stop this destructive habit and just focus on unconditional giving. When you do, it will be a win-win for both of you.
If you ever need to have a massive whine-fest, call your besties. They’ll be less likely to get irritated at you (and less likely to judge you) for all your complaints. Your boyfriend is a good person to confide in, as well, but know when enough is enough. Not even the most understanding partner will have the patience to listen non-stop complaints. Would you want to hear it from them? Probably not.
Playing the blame game.
So he forgot to tell you ahead of time that hes going out with his buddies or he forgot to take out the trash for the nth time. Calling his attention to it is absolutely necessary, but being nasty to him because of his shortcomings isn’t a thing that a grown-ass woman would do. Your relationship will be better off if you sit down and talk things out like mature adults.
Doubting each other.
Theres nothing that builds resentment faster than lack of trust. If you’re not even willing to give him the benefit of doubt, why be with him in the first place?
Getting too comfortable.
Just because you’ve been together for ages doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make an effort to occasionally look your best for each other. Sure, you can be on sweatpants every day, but if he’s sleeping over or taking you out on a date, do your best to look your most gorgeous self. You’ve got this.
Making long-term plans without each other.
Yes, both of you can pursue your individual goals, but when it comes to your relationship’s future, your plans should mesh. If they don’t say he wants to settle down in three years and you’re imagining closer to 10 then it’d be better for you to go your separate ways sooner rather than later.
Not making time for sex.
Be it scheduled or spontaneous sex, getting intimate with your partner regardless of how slammed both of you are at work will help your relationship grow stronger. So don’t get caught up in the daily grind and find ways to keep the spark alive (quickies will be your best friend).
You and your partner are each other’s confidante. Don’t be afraid of pointing each other’s mistakes and helping each other correct what’s wrong so these terrible habits won’t have a place to grow in your relationship.
Charmaine Belonio is a twenty-something freelance writer and blogger from Manila, Philippines. She is obsessed with long distance running, coffee, Tolkien, and Switchfoot. Follow her on Twitter @OrganizedLunacy or visit her personal blog http://organizedlunacy.net/.
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