It’s true what everyone tells you: sex is worth waiting for the right person. You might be thinking, “I have good sex. My sex life satisfies me just fine.” I thought that too. And then I learned that I was so wrong.
I was 18 the first time I had sex, and I’m grateful it was with someone who cared about me and respected me enough to take the decision seriously. Since then, I’ve done it more times than I’d like to admit, with people that cared little about me, people that cared about me a lot, and people that didn’t care at all.
When I first started college, I was only comfortable having sex with someone I was dating. Somewhere along the lines, I decided I wanted to branch out and try the “college experience” of hooking up. And I don’t consider that as a bad thing—I learned a lot about myself, what I like, what I don’t like, and how I want to be treated. I needed to learn those things, and that may not have been the best way, but it was what I thought I wanted and made sense to me at the time. I wouldn’t take those decisions back, even if many of them ended in heartbreak or general disappointment.
But after multiple “almost-somethings” with boys who were only interested in me until they slept with me a few times, then bailed when emotions got involved, I finally resigned myself to not sleep with someone until I was in a committed relationship (and actually stuck with that vow this time).
What I found is that even the sex I thought was great completely pales in comparison to the kind I’m having now. It’s exponentially better when you do it with someone you really like, who really cares about you as much as you care about them. It really is true—it’s worth the wait.
I’m not suggesting that you wait until you’ve moved in with someone or are married to get laid (unless that’s the pace that works for you). Good sex is fun. I like it as much as the next girl, and do it as often as I can. But sex with someone you’re committed to, that’s equally committed to you, is hands down better than no-strings-attached sex.
There are a lot of reasons why, but these are the big ones for me:
– You take the time to learn about each others’ bodies, and discover each other’s turn-ons. So it’s much more likely that each time will leave you saying “wow,” because it’s better than the last time and you didn’t think that was even possible.
– They care enough to make sure you’re taken care of (at least, they should. It’s 2016. It’s high time we dispel the myth that only boys are supposed to have orgasms from sex and that it’s not equally important for girls. Nope. Not a chance.) You may have this from a random hookup, but it’s even better coupled with reason number one above.
– It’s more comfortable. This boils down to a trust thing for me. I’ve had far too many situations where I wasn’t sure if someone liked me or just my body, and it made sexual situations not worth it at all. But now, not a day goes by where my boyfriend doesn’t remind me how much he appreciates me, and why (and the reasons don’t have anything to do with my physical appearance.) And that makes a huge difference in the quality of things that happen in the bedroom. It’s just better when you know they care.
– Even when you miss the mark, it’s still fun. Let’s face it—sometimes sex is awkward. Sometimes it’s hard to get two bodies in sync. But when you really care about someone, half the fun is figuring it out. The other half is just genuinely enjoying each other’s’ presence—so you can laugh off the times it just doesn’t work. And look forward to the next time instead.
This list could go on and on, but you get the point. Sometimes spontaneous sex is fun. Most of the time, it’s unsatisfying and not really worth the trouble. But sex with a significant other that you like and care equally about is just better, every time. If you’re single, and you’ve vowed to wait until you’re with someone that cares about you—stay strong. Good sex is on your horizon, and it’s worth the wait.
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