76 Thoughts I Had While Watching “Pokemon: The First Movie” As An Adult

In the wake of Pokemon Go, my hometown decided to have a special screening of the first Pokemon movie. Originally released in the U.S. in 1998, it tells the story of Mewtwo and his quest to conquer the world. While I was there for the original release, it’s been awhile since I’ve re-watched it and I had some thoughts while it played on the big screen for the second time.

1. Alright, I can’t believe I’m watching Pokemon the First Movie on the big screen again!

2. Wait, this movie has another title, right? Mewtwo’s Revenge? How Mewtwo Got His Groove Back?

3. Oh, Mewtwo Strikes Back.

4. Aw, he looks kind of cute in that little tank.

5. Wow, he sure doesn’t take his time murdering these scientists.

6. I feel like these murders should’ve bothered me more as a kid.

7. Holy shit, did he just blow up the entire damn lab!?!?!?! What the shit???

8. Giovanni doesn’t even care about the scientists. Classic Giovanni.

9. Why does Giovanni roll his ‘r’s?

10. Mewtwo’s armor is so cool.

mewtwo blocking lightning

11. I remember being so impressed when Mewtwo bent Alakazam’s spoons.

12. That’s Gary! I remember that episode!

13. So, Giovanni had no real plan for controlling Mewtwo? He just thought telling Mewtwo he was destined for gym battles was going to work?

14. Yaassss Mewtwo destroy all of that!!!

15. I forgot that Brock used to cook. And that Misty spent most of her time nagging.

16. Aw, yeah, time for the theme song.

17. ♪♪ I wanna be the very best ♪♪

18. Lol, that idiot just sent out a Donphan against a Bulbasaur.

19. Okay, I might believe a Squirtle taking out a Machamp. But with bubble? Really?

20. Also, I know that Pikachu is powerful and all BUT GROUND TYPES LIKE GOLEM ARE IMMUNE TO ELECTRIC ATTACKS!!!

21. They have a Dragonite but only use it to deliver mail. They don’t deserve it. Also, what happens to that Dragonite later?

22. The invitation is needlessly fancy. Especially since the RSVP is literally just a piece of paper.

23. Also, how did they sign it? Do any of them have writing utensils?

24. Blah, blah, storm, blah, blah, prophecy.

25. Man, these trainers have cool Pokemon (Gyarados, Dewgong, Pidgeot)

26. I really miss the elaborate disguises of Team Rocket. Also, lol at the Minnesota Vikings joke. I didn’t get it as a kid.

27. “Stroke, stroke, I think I’m going to have one.” Jessie understands the toll of physical exertion.

28. The canoe sank. This should surprise no one.

29. Staryu and Squirtle save everyone. Water Pokemon are amazing.

30. Did Mewtwo really need to build a damn castle for this?

31. OMG, did that idiot just call his Pidgeot a Pidgeotto? His trainer license should be revoked.

He looks so smug about being wrong.
He looks so smug about being wrong.

32. Lol, they keep calling Mewtwo the strongest Pokemon on earth. Wait until he meets an Umbreon.

33. Gyarados can’t even touch Mewtwo. Get that weak shit out of here.

34. Team Rocket somehow managed to not drown, I see.

35. Mew is sooooo cute!!!!!

36. Did TR just find the cloning lab…on accident?

37. So, there’s this lab, a “dining room,” and a stadium. Does this castle have anything else? Where are the toilets?

38. Oh, the clones are waking up. Why do their eyelids sound like machines?

39. Shell Shocker is still a cool nickname for a Blastoise.

40. Venusaur is dead.

41. Blastoise is hella dead.

42. Charizard, we were all rooting for you!

43. Hide your Pokemon, hide your Pokeballs, Mewtwo is gon’ find you.

44. Golduck use your psychic powers!!

45. Why are all these Pokemon so useless?

46. How is Pikachu the last mon standing?

47. Oh, cool they’re doing that thing from the TV show.

48. Who’s that Pokemon?

scyther_alakazam

49. Scy–did those idiots just say Alakazam???? That’s a Scyther? There’s literally no Alakazam anywhere on that island.

50. Ash Ketchum is clearly the Pokemon messiah, leading his people to freedom.

51. JK, he just tried to punch the most powerful psychic Pokemon in Gen I.

52. Finally, Mew reveals itself.

53. Mewtwo: Fires deadly energy ball at Mew.

54. Mew: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

55. Damn, Mewtwo, your aim is terrible. Also, Mew’s teleporting game is strong.

56. Mewtwo finally hit Mew. Don’t get cocky just yet, son.

57. Mew: 

surprise bitch

58. I’m glad Meowth is here to translate because otherwise these creatures beating the shit out of each other would be so random.

59. Ash now has to figure out a way back to the stadium floor without breaking his legs.

60. Why do the Vulpixes sound like horses?

61. Ugh, this song is so cheesy.

62. I like that Pikachu’s clone has different ears so we know which to root for.

63. So Meowth’s clone can’t talk–even though it’s supposed to be better?

64. Also, on a side note, why isn’t anyone trying to steal Meowth? He’s literally the only Pokemon capable of human speech.

65. “Maybe if we started looking at what’s the same instead of what’s different… well, who knows?” Yes, Meowth, preach!

66. ♪♪♪ Brother, my brother, tell me what are we fighting for ♪♪♪

67. Me: Ash, don’t do the thing!

68. Ash: Does the thing.

69. Alright, don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re not 8 years old anymore. You’re a grown man.

70. *sobbing* Ash just wanted to be the very best!

71. Pikachu sounds so desperate, my heart is breaking

pikachu crying

72. Now everyone’s crying.

73. Oh, wait, Ash is fine.

74. And Mewtwo learned that not all humans are literal trash and that he doesn’t have to murder every single thing on the planet. Heartwarming.

75. “I see now that the circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.” Literal chills.

76. Erasing their memory is such a cop out.

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