Trick-or-Treating From the Adulting Side of the Door

For most of my Halloweens, I was a trick-or-treater. Stepping out into the neighborhood ready to take on countless houses in my pursuit of candy was a major highlight of the year. I cherished it to the point that I pushed my trick-or-treating years well into my twenties. Why? Besides loving trick-or-treating, I did it partly out of defiance, and partly because I was able to get away with it because I looked young (and with a good costume, who can really tell your age, anyways?).

But that was then and this is now. I am in my mid-20’s and I’m a brand new home-owner. At some point over the last couple years I completed that adulting rite of passage: I changed from being the one receiving candy, to being the one giving out candy on Halloween.

Last year was my first real success at being the one to hand out the sweets. I simply put on my wedding dress, and donned the hideously scary skull/clown mask I had bought earlier that day. Who says that you only wear your wedding dress once, eh? I still feel a small thrill of excitement whenever I remember the sincerely terrified faces of some of the kids as I opened the door, leering at them through my mask. And now that I have my own house, and a neighborhood full of unsuspecting children? Let’s just say I have goals.

So darlings, seeing as we are all adults and our trick-or-treating days are behind us, let’s take a walk down GIF Lane to fantasize on how Halloween will be from the other side of the door.

What my house will probably look like:

How the kids are hoping trick-or-treating at my house will go:

What I’m planning it will be like:

And hoping I will be perceived:

….And the type of surprises awaiting them:

The reaction I’m anticipating after they leave my house:

What I’ll be thinking when I see teenage girls wearing Playboy ears and spandex:

If I don’t like a costume or attitude, they sure as hell aren’t getting my candy. I’ll be taking my cue from Charlie Brown:

What may end up happening when I’ve given out too much candy, and am nursing a Pumpkin Ale:

Adulting never felt so good. If you don’t mind though, I need to start prepping my house as the ultimate stop.

Featured image by: Bart van Maarseveen

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