Moving for love is a romantic ideal. We’ve all seen Meg Ryan fly across the country to find her special someone in Sleepless in Seattle or felt the pang for a move to be closer to a partner after ending a Facetime call.
But moving for love isn’t as simple as it is in the movies. Sometimes, a move for love can actually be a bad thing for your relationship — particularly if your needs aren’t being accounted for.
Following the dos and don’ts of moving for love can be empowering. When you make the right decision, you’ll feel as though your boundaries have been respected and that you’re moving (or staying put!) for all the right reasons.
Do: Move for Love
It can be hard to feel happy when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Even if the arrangement works for you, you can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to share the same home and sleep under the same roof. If you’ve been in a loving relationship with someone for an extended period, you shouldn’t feel bad about moving for love — even if you both have to make some sacrifices.
There are no hard and fast rules about when to move in with a romantic partner. It’s impossible to know how soon is too soon, but if you support each other with gratitude and mutual love, then it may be time to call the moving vans in and give it a try.
Remember that you don’t need to make a permanent move immediately. Women are sometimes pressured into moving in with a partner sooner than they’d like and don’t have their needs accounted for. You can always trial a move-in for a month and see how it goes. If you both find the thought of moving back to your own place unbearable, then a move for love might be right for you.
Don’t: Move For Guilt
When you think about moving for love, what emotions come to the surface? You may notice that, amongst the excitement and tenderness that you feel for your partner, some feelings of guilt may also exist.
If you’re starting to feel guilty about not moving in with your partner, it is probably time to have a conversation about moving in together — even if the purpose of that conversation is to discuss why you do not want to move in yet.
Regular, honest communication will set the stage for future domestic bliss when you move in. Points to discuss might include the goals and plans you have for your future as well as the boundaries that you cherish the most. Getting these issues out in the open can help you overcome feelings of guilt and ensure that you are moving in for the right reasons.
Do: Plan Ahead
Moving for love can be an exciting time in your life. But, unlike in the movies, you can’t just hop on a plane and live happily ever after. Moving in with a romantic partner takes plenty of planning and preparation to ensure that everything goes smoothly.
Before the big day arrives, set a moving budget for everything you need. Long-distance moves can get expensive quickly, as you’ll need to put down deposits for rental trucks, buy tickets for your travel, purchase packing supplies, and rent a storage container for your things. Agree to split these bills in a way that feels fair and equitable based on your income and costs.
Remember that you’ll need to make some sacrifices when moving. Discuss what you’ll bring and what you’ll leave behind well ahead of time. There’s nothing more stressful than waiting till move-in day to discover that your favorite painting or statue won’t fit — and you don’t want to grace your new house with a major argument over a coffee table on day one.
Don’t: Ignore Your Needs
Making mutual sacrifices when you move for love is a great way to foreground your commitment to one another and get used to living together. However, we all have certain non-negotiable needs that are worth protecting when you move in with a new partner.
When moving in together, try to find your own ground by maintaining your hobbies and carving out “me” time. It’s easy to spend all your free time watching TV and movies together when you first move in — even at the expense of your favorite hobbies and activities.
Let your partner know what your non-negotiable needs are and ask the same from them. Respecting these boundaries can keep the romance alive when you move for love, as you don’t want to be in each other’s pockets 24/7.
Moving for love can be more complicated than it seems. Before you make the big move, try living together for a month to get a feel for what life would be like together. Get your life in order before you make the big move, and be willing to make some sacrifices to make it work. Maintain clear boundaries as you get used to your new life together, as boundaries ensure that your needs are met and can keep the spark alive.
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